I have a perfectly irrational fear of people reading the things I write. I don't keep a journal, and you can see by the lack of frequency in my blog posts that I don't do that well either. Instead, I write. I write for me. I write about the emotions I feel through exaggerated scenarios of my own life. I make stuff up.
And I love it.
In fact, truth be told, it's what I've wanted to do for my entire life, but I've always been too afraid to say it. Security has been something I've spent all my time trying to achieve: monetary security, emotional security, whatever. Being a writer threatens all of that. I send off figurative pieces I've carved out of my heart and hope the person I've given it to doesn't crush it. In many ways, it's very much like the uncertainty when falling in love. And not every writer can be J.K. Rowling, either. I can dream big, but I have to accept that statistically, my salary will only just get me by.
That's the real reason I started off college majoring in sciences.It's the reason I told so many people back home that all I wanted to do was be a veterinarian. I was too afraid of what could happen to give writing a shot.
I can't live like that anymore. I'm not saying I won't sit in terror for hours after I post something I've written, waiting for someone I trust to give me a realistic review. I'm not saying I won't think the over-the-top praising comments are lies used to mask a pitying face and a desire to keep my dreams uncrushed. What I'm saying is, for once, I'm letting something I love overshadow my fear. Whether people like it or not, whether it's good or not, I write. And it's time to stop pretending I don't.
As Ever,
Mandi
Let it out. :D
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